Links & personal journal

For Writers Who Have Considered  Giving up When the Rejection Letters are Too Much (Journal Entries)

Sat, October 18, 2003

Submitted “Eva and Adam” to Walk Worthy Press via USPS priority mail with a little prayer “Lord, this is the book you commanded me to write. Look upon it favorably. Thy will be done.” 

October 23, 2003

Received e-mail from Denise Stinson (DS) at Walk Worthy Press (WWP). Realized she was my old agent who tried to sell “In the Picture I Have of You” (ITPIHOY) back in 1997.  I only provided her with my cell phone because I didn’t want to talk “business” at work.

October 23, 2003

Called DS and talked for a while.  Said she read the synopsis & really liked it.  She remembered my first book, still remembered how much she liked it.  Said WWP was doing very well.

November 5, 2003

As I wait to hear back from DS, I am contemplating self-publishing “ITPHOY.”  For the past few months, I had been receiving e-mails from 1^st Books, a self-publishing services provider out of Indiana urging me to use their services, not because they read my book, but because this is their business.  I first learned about them from LMR, who was in line at Home Depot behind a man who was wearing a T-shirt promoting his book, “A Cozy Storm.”   He gave her a postcard describing his book.  I went on-line the next day and downloaded some info.

November 10, 2003

Made a decision to self-publish “ITPHOY” even though LMR kept telling me to wait to hear from DS.   I kept telling her, I’ve been revising it since forever; I’d have to remove cursing, sex scenes (probably remove rape scene); incorporate scripture instead of the one-liners.   Spoke with TM from 1^st Books during lunch, talked about his company. After signing contract, submitting manuscript, I could look forward to seeing my book in print in FOUR MONTHS!  Sounded like a great deal seeing as it’s been in a drawer for years. Told him I would call him Friday ‘cause I was off & we could go over the agreement. 

November 11, 2003

Finished printing “ITPHOY”; began editing it.  After undergoing so many modifications over the years, you’d think it was ready, but no, I kept making changes, found errors, typos (UGGHH!).

Fri, November 14, 2003

Took ITPHOY with me on trip to see “Whale Rider” with LMR’s class; edited on the school bus.  It wasn’t so bad being with her kids; they let me edit in peace & I was surprised at how quickly the time passed.

TM from 1^st called when I got back home but I told JRK to tell him I wasn’t in (maybe God trying to tell me something?).

Sat, November 15, 2003

Had to get up early because the appraiser was coming at 9AM & YOU KNOW I can’t stand waking up early on Saturday.  Had invited “Las Seesters” for breakfast since I was up early—Disaster!  1) ham burned(!); 2) didn’t have onions for potatoes after spending like $200 in groceries days before(!!); 3) LMR didn’t want to go get them even though I went to get some when I was at HER house (she changed her mind when MB said she’d drive; 4) brand-new coffeemaker I just bought wasn’t brewing—turns out it’s defective so I have to take it back(!!!). Then LMR didn’t make matters better by complaining but that’s her.

Then we went to the Indian Powwow at UIC as planned.  The atmosphere was festive, lots of arts & crafts, lots of stuff I wanted to buy but too expensive (I forget how much I did spend).  Bought this one cool T-shirt with Indians w/guns on it that said “Homeland Security, Fighting Terrorism since 1492”(!!)  Also, an obsidian necklace, a candleholder, some bracelets & hair clips. Spent too much.  Ate something which I've fell in love with at Taste of Chicago--fry bread, which I discovered tastes very similar to funnel cake  —interesting... 

Sun, November 16, 2003

Did not do as much editing (ITPIHOY) as I could as far as text but did move chapters around more cohesively; came up with some photography-referenced subtitles for subsections (“Blur,” Images,”  “Family Portrait”) though may have to change to spiritual references(?).  Spent a lot of time skimming my favorite books, Woodson’s “Autobiography of a Family Photo,” Miller’s “Family Pictures”; Ansay’s “Sister.”  Going through a lot of comparison writing & self-depreciating (wd?) that I can’t measure up to their writing which is more lyrical than mine.  Before I knew it, it was bed time; went to bed past midnight.

Mon, November 17, 2003 (11:00pm)

Checked e-mail this a.m. & got one from DS stating that she tried to call.  I was at the Indian Powwow at UIC & saw her number on my cell phone but I couldn’t remember who I knew in the “248” area code.   Sent her an e-mail that I would call her at lunch.

We had a very nice conversation, she liked the story; she didn’t say she loved it. But she kept saying she always thought I was a good writer, but there was always room for editing, which I know.  She made me a two-book offer. I wasn’t excited & I guess I came across as being nonchalant because she said she couldn’t figure out who the real me was, the laid-back person on the phone or the character in the book. I told her I was a little bit of both, but Eva was a character.  Few people see the real me. 

She suggested a few changes: 1) remove references to the “H” & “D” words since no cursing is allowed though I pointed out one of her authors did have cursing in her #1 bestseller; 2) possible title change from “E&A” to “Choose Me”—which I’m not really feeling (Ma said NO); 3) make Eva feel more guilty that she has disappointed God & not just herself.  I’ve read that you don’t have much control over the title or book design so we shall see.  If it’s not “E&A,” I’d like a long title like ITPIHOY: 1) something from a gospel song “Trying to Tell You Something” or “This Battle is Not Yours” (cause you know those are my favorite songs); or 2) something from India-Arie ‘cause that’s my girl; or 3) from that poem they handed out at Evangel.  Surprised she didn’t say anything about the constant references to secular music.  I’m supposed to be assigned an editor who’s going to work with me line-by-line (can’t wait!).

Then LMR starts saying I should ask for more, or I should ask RD or DF for their opinion about what a good deal should be, as if they have experience with the fiction market. They have no idea. Then I get home & I call Ma, and SHE says it seems like a small amount(!)—as if she knows the market.  So now I know why DS said what she did.  I should have kept my mouth shut.  But I don’t feel I should be coy about the money thing with Ma & LMR; maybe with other people.  

Anyway, contract won’t be here for  6 weeks at least, have time to find an attorney, maybe not too late to find an agent(?) since writers I've been corresponding with strongly suggest this.  I don’t want to appear greedy ‘cause I’m not in it for the money, right?  It is my passion after all.  But I’d also like it to be my career.  Ultimately God’s got this.

Sent TM an e-mail “thanks, but no thanks.”

Things to do:

1)                 Change ITPIHOY to Christian novel (?)

2)                 Have a pre-book contract celebration.

3)                 Find a lawyer.

4)                 Wait for contract.

(11:27pm—going to bed).

Tues, 18 Nov 2003 (9:27pm)

Got e-mail from TM, not really congratulating me but asking when my book will be out so he can purchase a copy—riiiggghhht!

Tues, 23 Dec 2003

Received contract in mail; looked it over and it looks scary, but not as scary as the mortgage papers(!).  Probably will have LSD look it over for a fee; after all, she is a lawyer—technically, and I trust her.  To have lunch with her on Monday, 12/29, first day back to work.

Wed, 31 Mar 2004

Finally finished modifications to Choose Me as specified by the reviewer’s comments & suggestions—whoo-hoo!. Got off work early and printed out the manuscript.  Got to Post Office just in time and sent priority.  When I got home, realized I left behind the end of the book, pages 405-435—ARRGGHH!  Sent DS an e-mail on 4/1 informing her of error. Then ran out of paper and toner (Double ARRGGHH!) Was only able to send one copy of manuscript, but did remember to send the disk. She said I could send the remaining pages and 2^nd copy this weekend.

Things on the job front are not as progressive. There’s some underhanded stuff going on as the fiscal year draws near so I’m stepping up my efforts to apply for jobs—online.  If worse comes to worse, will contemplate taking one month off to job-hunt—seriously!  Wish there was some way to make a living out of my writing.